Waiting to Exhale

It has been politely suggested that I try a torso shaper. Thanks. But now I think that you’re trying to kill me.

I have seen them, and already I shiver in fright. I am not trying these without some more guidance. Now, I must admit I like my Spanx, but sometimes they are not enough. Are there such things as Flogx?

First of all, why do catalogs always show skinny people modeling body shapers? I want to see a true before and after. I don’t want to see someone who can’t pinch half an inch become perfected. I want to see someone who has lady lumps in unlady like places. I’m talking four breasts because only half of them fit in the bra. I want to see a body shaper on her.

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Secondly, I want to make sure that these body shapers don’t dig into my flesh like chastity belts. I’m quite chaste enough. I don’t need to be chafed too. Seriously, I have worn knee highs that left me with scars. Sometimes the elastic of underclothes can take its job too seriously. I want my fat rolls to be roped in. I don’t want to be left with rope burns.

Apparently, there is a store in my city that specializes in hard to fit shape wear and underclothes. I’d like to visit them soon to see what they can suggest.

Until then, I’m happy to breathe without being kidney punched by a modern day corset. And until you tell me otherwise, I’ll think that all torso shapers are just bear hugs in disguise.

Waiting without bated breath,

Bossy

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